yo, it's my birthday

Today I am 37.

Whether that is really old or really young depends on my mood and how my day is going.

Easy day = young

Rough day = old

It is 1:00 AM here and I am feeling OLD at this moment.

Noah was the first to bring him up. He was the first to say that he missed Christian.

We can't help but think of Christian when there is a major celebration or family moment to be marked.  We can't help but think of Christian when the hour grows late and our bodies are tired.  We can't help but think of Christian when we look at Ian's face or kiss his chubby chipmunk cheeks.

Holding Ian and hearing his baby coos fills my weary heart with smiles and unexpected joy.  How can I be both sad and happy? Empty and full? Weary and hopeful?

When I think of God's promises, I am reminded that He does not promise us that we will not have trouble and sorrow in this life. But He does promise to be with us and bring us through the trial without being consumed.

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
-Isaiah 43:2

We grieved for almost 3 years before God gave us the hope of Ian.  Three years of grief not brightened by the hope of this child that might not have been had his big brother not passed away.

But he is here now.  And I am thankful.

I am thankful for the gift of all my boys-- Austin, Noah, Christian and Ian.  I can't wait for all of us to be together for the first time.  Now that will be an occasion to celebrate!

my 5 favorite baby items

New baby products come out every year. Companies spend tons of money trying to convince moms and dads that they are less of a parent or don't love their kids enough if they don't get the latest and greatest stroller, carseat, baby gear, outfit or toy.

Although I'm of the mindset of less is more, there are a few new baby items that I have been loving lately!

1. Fisher Price Rock N Play Sleeper - If you get this, you will love it and your baby will love it and their head might get wonky if they love it too much so be sure to also get this noggin nest.

This is where Ian usually naps. Portable, comfy, and makes him happy.

2. Zippered Sleepers - Easy on, easy off. Night or day.

3. Twist and Fold Activity Gym - When babies are just getting out of the sleep 23 hours a day stage, you end up needing one more "station" to capture their interest so you can brush your teeth, pee, or help someone with their math.

I love the colors and that it folds up.

Ian likes the mirror and hits the toys with his hands and feet.

At the same time.

He's advanced.

#1 in his class! :)

4. Muslin Swaddle Blankets - A little pricey, but these blankets are generous in size, wash up to super softness, and are perfect when the temps are a little on the warm side.

5. Medela Freestyle Breastpump - Oh my goodness, this was a lifesaver for us! Medela makes the best pumps ever. When Ian was in the hospital for 2 weeks, this bad boy (the pump, not Ian) worked tirelessly every 3 hours. Nothing like good ole breastmilk to fatten and grow a wee little one into a chunky monkey!

And this little number is worth the extra money for the sheer sake of being able to toss that LITTLE square pump into the diaper bag, your purse, or pretty much anywhere. Rechargeable and easy to use, I keep it in a little tote so I can pump in the car if need be.

I also throw in this nursing cover to keep other people's uncomfortableness at bay. Some people call them hooter hiders which totally makes me *snort*.

We're not to the Bumbo stage yet, but I am shocked in both good and bad ways at all the new fangled baby things that are available.

Do you have a new favorite? Is there something you wish you had back in the day? Any must-have's that I'm missing out on?

passport

We applied for Ian's passport this week. It was a bit of a drawn out process as you first have to have the hospital birth certificate, then the official Guam birth certificate, apply for a social security card, and then finally apply for a passport. [Insert appropriate amount of island lag time in between.]

Want to see his mug shot?

{ I laugh every time I look at this shot! I wonder if he will hate it when he's older? }

Here on Guam, you don't go to the Post Office to apply for a passport. You go to the Department of Revenue and Taxation, which is a big warehouse of a cinder block building that houses all the government agencies that deal with money, tags, licenses, passports and who knows what else.

Oh Guam with your old school posterboard signs, you make me laugh... See them up there on the left wall? :)

The lighting is not the best. An eerie grayish green glow is cast on everything. Kind of scary, isn't it? Reminds me of those stupid zombie shows.

We should get little Coconut's passport in a month or so, just in time for our trip to the mainland in May (woohoooo!).

If you could travel to any place in the world, where would you go?

Bali is sounding really good to me right now.