what my kids need from me

[ Ian at 2 weeks old; not relevant to post, I just like it! :) ]

Do you ever have those days when you think you are the worst mom ever?

You feel like you are constantly getting onto them for the same old thing... brush your teeth, quit hitting your brother with that light saber, what do you mean you can't remember how to find the area of a rectangle?!, sit up straight, focus!!!, food trash only goes in the kitchen trash can, use a napkin not your sleeve, don't use that tone of voice with your brother...

... over and over and over again.

I just began reading the book 52 Things Kids Need From a Mom: What Mothers Can Do to Make a Lifelong Difference by Angela Thomas.

Since I am such a rule breaker, I jumped ahead to peek at what was up ahead...

Chapter 11: Kids Need Their Mom... To Miss a Few Things They Do Wrong

Ouch.

It is so easy for me to be the people police. To monitor my boys' every move and every word.

Yup, nitpick them in an effort to mold them into perfect adults in miniature form. Can I get more hypocritical? *I* can't even get through a few hours or the day without messing something up or being selfish. What in the world am I thinking to have that expectation of perfection from my children?

It just leads to disappointment and stress for everyone-- myself and my kids!

So tomorrow I am skipping ahead to put into practice Chapter 11 (even though I haven't read Chapter 1).

I do not have to see every thing that they do wrong. Even if I do see it, I don't have to call them on it.

Nag less, extend some grace, focus on the big things, and as cliche as it sounds, don't sweat the small stuff. My perfectionist tendencies need to take a back seat to the relationship I am cultivating with my children.

Do any of y'all struggle in this area? Any advice you want to share with me?

i miss being normal

The dentist office just called to schedule cleaning appointments for Austin, Noah and Christian.

While it's not awkward for me anymore, I felt really bad for the receptionist! I hope she doesn't beat herself up for it all day long.

I have been replaying the beginning of that phone call all morning long in my mind. It was so normal. A part of me wants to just pretend that Christian is still here and I need three appointments in a row, please.

What I wouldn't give to have the extra noise and busyness, one more pile of laundry, one more to teach, tired arms from the holding, and a booster seat in the back of my van!!!

All you tired mommies out there, you have a tough job. You are exhausted and frazzled and wondering if your kids will ever be able to wipe their hiney by themselves.

Stop for a moment.

Look around you and realize that THIS, the crumbs and spills and noise and little tempers and hugs and kisses and stories and dirt and bathtime and pjs and the I'm thirsty mommy! will not always be. I pray that you have more time with your children than I did with Christian, but either way, they do grow up and move out (we hope!) and one day you just might miss it-- at least a little bit. :-)

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. -Hebrews 4:16

It takes a lot of grace to get through the little years and it takes a lot of grace and mercy to get through life. God is faithful to give it, if we would just ask Him.

I need to ask more often. Do you?

fisticuffs and parenting

My boys have been fighting incessantly. While I have rare moments when the right words proceed out of my mouth, the usual moments involve loud words spoken with little thought.

Also known as thoughtless and immediate yelling.

As a mom, it is important to have an action plan when it comes to fighting. Yelling and losing control should not be a part of said plan.

Last week, my boys were really annoying each other. A week off of school only contributed to their foul and testy moods. Not having to do schoolwork is one thing, but having too much time on your hands only leads to trouble.

On this day, the trouble led to a full-blown fistfight with grunts and everything.

I am pretty sure that I'll get some flack for admitting this, but sometimes it makes me laugh to see them punching at each other like that.

So much so that I have to go into my bathroom and shut the door!

Give me a sash and crown me mother of the year, y'all.

How can I laugh at such a thing? Because I know that my little hoodlums love each other. With all the time spent together, they are bound to get on each others nerves sometimes.

Just as *I* get on their nerves.

{A mom would be foolish to think that she never gets on her child's nerves.}

How did I respond to their fisticuffs? What was my action plan?

I didn't yell (this time).

I didn't laugh (too much).

I did what any responsible mom of boys would do...

I sent them outside.

To pick up 4 acres worth of sticks.

In the rain.

It took them less than 10 minutes to start laughing and playing with each other once again.

They came into the house dirty, wet, happy.

Relationship restored. And yard picked up.

When my boys were little, my "go-to" action was sending them to their beds. Lights out, heads on pillow, no toys. Now that they are older (tweens even!), my go-to is a little more self serving... picking up sticks, cleaning the baseboards, and any other chore that they can do together.

Some days it works better than others. :)

Do you have a go-to discipline in your house? How do you handle sibling rivarly? What about fisticuffs?

{At the Gem & Mineral Show, Austin won me a MOOD RING from the Wheel of Fortune! Not just any old mood ring either... this one said "Princess" on it! *snort* }

what to do with bad dreams

Last night, Noah walked up to me, eyes pleading. I could tell that something was really bothering him. He seemed apprehensive and shaky. He wanted to talk to me about his bad dream.

And yet his dream was so bad, he couldn't bear to voice it, as if speaking the horrifying thoughts would cause them to make the jump from imagination to real life.

I was able to pull a few words from him-- in the yard, box with a bright light, a frightening note.

We hugged and he pulled up a chair so we could talk.

Who lives inside you, Noah? Jesus.

Whose child are you? God's.

Is there anything in the world that is greater than God? More powerful than God? No.

Does God love you? Yes.

Can you trust Him? Yes.

I began to tell him how I, too, was scared at night when I was a kid. How I would say my memory verses out loud because I knew that the devil didn't like to hear God's Word. The only problem was that I would always forget half the verse! In a panic, I would sing "Jesus Loves Me" until I fell asleep.

We talked about the power of Jesus' name.

"That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth." (Philippians 2:10)

"But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name." (John 20:31)

"For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." (Romans 10:13)

And what he needs to think upon.

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you." {Philippians 4:8-9}

Focusing on the TRUTH of God's Word, rather than our imagined fears and bad dreams, will give you peace.

We hugged again and I told him that it was okay to sleep on the floor of our room.

As he ran to get his blanket and pillow, an idea came to his mind, one that suddenly made things not-so-scary...

He determined (on his own!) that reading the Bible before bed would bring sweet peace.

And sweet dreams.

How do you handle scary dreams at your house?

God gives a song

Emily over at The Learning Never Stops wrote about something new she started doing in her homeschool-- teaching songs from the Bible. Out of all the songs I have ever taught my children, there is ONE that stands out more than any other.

In the early weeks after Christian's passing from this world, God taught me so much. For the first time in my life, I learned what it meant to pray without ceasing (I Thess. 5:17) and the importance of turning my thoughts to those things that are true, noble, just, and of good report (Philippians 4:8).

But as time wore on, it became increasingly difficult to keep myself from sliding down into the dark depths of fear and self-pity and overwhelming sorrow.

I was SO weary.

Then God gave me a song, y'all!

It was this song from Nehemiah.

..for this day is holy unto our Lord: Neither be ye sorry;

for the joy of the LORD is your strength.

-Nehemiah 8:10 (emphasis mine)

I vaguely remember singing this catchy, repetetive song as a child.

So I ushered the kids to the piano, found the song and taught them the first verse...

"The joy of the Lord is my strength."

You pretty much just sing that line four times to a tune. It took a few tries before I could sing it without choking up. While other times I sang it without any strength and without any joy, just hoping that my heart would somehow follow the lead of my mouth.

Austin and Noah had no clue about my real intentions. They were just learning a song that they thought was easy and fun.

I was trusting God to bring that song to their lips and to my ears right when I needed it most.

It helped me more times than I can remember when they'd start singing it "out of the blue."

It is catchy like that and God is good like that! :)

In spite of being a slacker sometimes, I am thankful that God showed me the importance of being intentional. Intentional in parenting, intentional in our homeschool, and intentional in building up my spiritual arsenal. God gives us many tools and resources, we just have to USE them!

Has God ever used the seemingly smallest of things to make a difference in your heart or attitude? Has God ever brought a song to your lips or a verse to your mind that helped you when you least expected it?

I would love to hear your story.