psalm 3:3

I wake up in the middle of the night and peer closely at the video monitor, waiting to see that reassuring rise and fall of his chest. As my eyes adjust and focus, the first glimpse of baby breath makes me realize that I have been holding my breath in the waiting as well.

Thank you, Lord, for this child, this measure of joy so undeserved. Help me to not be fearful. Help me to trust you in every moment and with every treasure.

fear, faith and finishing

In The Big Wave by Pearl S. Buck, Kino is a young Japanese boy that asks his father about death. His father tells him that death is the great gateway.

"The gateway-- where?" Kino asked.

Kino's father smiled. "Can you remember when you were born?"

Kino shook his head. "I was too small."

Kino's father laughed. "I remember very well. Oh, how hard you thought it was to be born! You cried and you screamed."

"Didn't I want to be born?" Kino asked. This was very interesting to him.

"You did not," his father told him smiling. "You wanted to stay just where you were in the warm, dark house of the unborn. But the time came to be born, and the gate of life opened."

"Did I know it was the gate of life?" Kino asked.

"You did not know anything about it and so you were afraid of it," his father replied. "But see how foolish you were! Here we were waiting for you, your parents, already loving you and eager to welcome you. And you have been very happy, haven't you?"

"Until the big wave came," Kino replied. "Now I am afraid again because of the death that the big wave brought."

"You are only afraid because you don't know anything about death," his father replied. "But someday you will wonder why you were afraid, even as today you wonder why you feared to be born."

Death is indeed a doorway. The doorway that leads to our REAL life, the one that will last, the one that will matter!

For those that have accepted and put their faith in Jesus Christ, this life will pale in comparison to our eternal one! For those that have rejected Jesus Christ, this life will be like bliss in comparison to the eternal anguish that awaits. {If you do not accept Him, you reject Him. There is no in-between!}

I am not afraid of the dying itself. I only fear for David, Austin and Noah being here without me. Imagining their heartache, questioning, uncertainty, anger, and long lasting sorrow.... that is what I fear. I fear for them.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. -Isaiah 41:10

And then I realize my pride. Is God only MY God? Does He only guide, lead and comfort ME? How foolish my thoughts and fears are! I don't plan on checking out anytime soon, but if God call me home soon, I know that He will comfort and care for my family.

The devil uses fear to paralyze me into inaction and distract me from the finish line.

Every marathon is won by just taking one step at a time.

-Ann Voskamp

I don't know about you, but I plan on running to the finish line! I am not going to quit serving God because I am tired and weary and longing for REST. The daily battling of thoughts, the daily missing of a part of my flesh exhausts me. But it will make rest in my Saviour that much sweeter.

It would be horrible to look back on my life and see that I quit, gave up on God and this race set before me, just because I cannot see what is beyond this bend in the road.

What if I quit, only to find out I was a few strides short of the finish line?

All I can SEE is the very next step that God lights for me.

All I can DO is take it.

Are you paralyzed by fear? Fear of death, failure, what people will think of you... fear of making a mistake, of ridicule, of putting yourself and your beliefs and your heart out there for all the world to see...

Choose FAITH over fear! Don't let fear stop you or distract you from what God is telling you to do. CHOOSE to trust God and take the next step that He has lighted before you. It will lead you closer to Him, closer to rest, closer to the finish line.

my boys are back in town

The boys are back in town! I sure did miss them while they were at Southland Christian Camp all week.

(Ack. Now I have this song stuck in my head. I'm sorry for forcing the thought of it on you.)

(Noah's "ugly face")

I was a bit apprehensive when they left on Monday to drive to Louisiana. The thought of all those news stories of this youth group or that sports team getting into an accident on their way to some camp or tournament started creeping into my head. Since I am determined to not live in fear, I did the only thing I could do-- pray!

With phone calls not being allowed at camp, I figured no news was good news. Wednesday night I found out that they had a blowout on the way to camp. Praise the Lord that my friend was able to keep the van on the road, get off the highway and even limp along to a service station!

I will admit that when I first heard those words, a panic started rising up in my chest and I began to cry. Yup, I pretty much freaked out inside. We already know that nobody that is ever born is immune to death. And we know that tragedy can strike any family-- and even more than once. We're all in the process of dying right now.

We do not have to be fearful, we just have to be ready.

Because it doesn't stop there, y'know.

Death is not dying, it is just the beginning.

It is very good to have Austin and Noah back home. At their age, it is rather easy-going at our house on a regular basis. Read: Date night (or week) is not a big deal or as necessary as it was when they were tots. David and I really missed them.

We couldn't help but think what this week would've been like with just Christian around. He would've been soaking up all the one-on-one attention! And we would've thoroughly enjoyed lavishing it on him.

I can't wait for our whole family to be reunited again one day.

Then it will really be home sweet HOME!

Will your home be sweet one day? It is only through the saving grace of Jesus Christ that we can be assured of our home in Heaven. Make sure you know where your home will be. And be sure to share the roadmap with those you love (and even those that aren't your favorites).