Monday, December 19, 2011

giving and receiving

I woke up in the middle of the night. I tried to go back to sleep but my mind started to race as fear and panic gripped my heart.

We live on an island surrounded by water... What were we thinking?! Austin will be taking scuba lessons soon... What if something happens to him? Oh Lord, will we have to live through loss from drowning once again? And this baby that you have been so good to give us, will he be taken from us too one day? I can't do this, God! When will it be easy? When will these crazy, tiresome thoughts finally end?

So many stories of loss and suffering... too much knowledge of what could go wrong... I want to hold tight to what I have. Yet the tighter I hold, the greater the fear... and the greater the foolishness in thinking that it is all up to me.

Christmas is a time of giving and receiving.

How easy it is for me to take for granted that the true owner of all that I have is God.

Thine, O LORD is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty: for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all. -I Chronicles 29:11

The view of the sky from my window...

My home, my body, my husband, my children...

Christmas 2007 - Our last Christmas together this side of Heaven
(That was such a fun Christmas! What a gift!)

Ian - 30 wks 5 days, 3 lbs 10 oz (How amazing is that?!) :-)

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. -I Corinthians 6:19-20

All the material things that I have, all the joy of the spirit that I have, all the comfort in sorrow that I have-- it is a GIFT from God.

I am not entitled, I am not deserving... and yet He gives.

How many times has He offered me gifts only to have me refuse, walk away or throw a fit? He offers to carry my burdens and tells me to trust Him. Isn't trust a gift?

To be able to trust... to have a God that is so Holy, just, right, loving, capable, all-knowing... and He is telling little, unworthy, fickle, emotional, bratty me that He WILL take care of me. That I can trust Him with my most prized possessions, my deepest hurts, my most fragile worries and fears.

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

"It is God's will that I should cast
On Him my care each day;
He also bids me not to cast
My confidence away.
But, Oh! I am so stupid, that
When taken unawares,
I cast away all my confidence,
And carry all my cares."

-Author Unknown


How much better we would be if we would only trust Him and seek His face, if we would choose to look for His hand and blessings in our lives, rather than turn a blind eye in a tantrum when things don't happen the way we want them to happen?

Jesus Christ the same yesterday, today and forever.

Remember God's track record. Remember His faithfulness in the past. See His faithfulness and care for you today. Don't turn a blind eye, but choose to SEE and acknowledge Him. Trust Him with your future.

God never fails, even when all seems lost and dark.

Don't continue to carry burdens that you were not meant to carry. Give it to God and receive peace in return.


Suzanne said...

Oh, Marshie, so so beautifully written. I love you so.

Sam said...

The things we can't control. So hard to deal with. You are right though-we need to give that to our Father, only He is in control, as much as we would like to think we can shelter from everything. We just can't-He has a plan.

amy in peru said...

do not be anxious.
but in everything by prayer and petition and thanksgiving...
present your requests to God.

and then...

the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will GUARD your hearts AND your minds IN Christ Jesus.

it's as true as anything I know.

we have a GREAT and LOVING God.
you did right ;)

love you!


ps. phil.4:6-7 has been my lifeline.

Duckygirl said...

"So many stories of loss and suffering... too much knowledge of what could go wrong... I want to hold tight to what I have. Yet the tighter I hold, the greater the fear... and the greater the foolishness in thinking that it is all up to me."

That SO perfectly describes the fear I have of pregnancy and labor! Thank you for your encouraging words, I needed them this morning!


Christine said...

I learn so much from you, Marshy. Your posts are often reminders of things I already/should already know.
That was a very fun Christmas. One that none of us will forget. I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!

LilTanGurl said...

oh Marshy! :hugs: God has just given you such insight and I am so blessed and a better person for knowing you!

Amber said...

Marsha - Boy do I know those thoughts. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability.

Melissa Stover said...

i have those thoughts too and i haven't even experienced the loss you have.

melissa stover said...

boo that was melissa! i made the mistake of signing up emma a blog using my account. now i can never sign in as me again unless i use my old afamiliarpath login.

Leanne said...


Such a beautiful glimpse into your heart.

I'll call you later this week. Let's have a chin-wag.

And thanks for the reminder of WHO I serve.

Deedee said...

Oh Masha! Thank you for posting this. Our situation is in many ways soooo different to yours and yet we too have lost a child this year and my heart is breaking, I'm fearfull and waking with nightmares most nights, and this coming Christmas is soooooooo hard!! Thank you for sharing this. You have echoed my thoughts, fears and feelings in this post and reminded me again where to turn and how to let go of it all. ((((HUGS)))) - Deedee

Jennifer {Studio JRU} said...

The true owner of all that I have is God... what a gentle, sweet reminder of what it all comes down to. Thank you Marsha.

Michelle said...

Thank you for sharing your heart and God's faithfulness. Earlier tonight I did a search on Bible Gateway with the word "hope" and in Him we receive the gift of hope. I was so blessed reading the verses. Praying for you always (and David, Austin, and Noah). Merry Christmas

Karen said...

Such a good reminder for today. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Praying for a safe delivery of your little Ian.


Unknown said...

Praying for you Marsha.