I cleaned out the boys' closet today. I have bags of clothes that Tank outgrew and also all of Christian's clothes. I set aside a handful of shirts (okay, two handfuls) and put them in a plastic bin with some of Christian's things (his piggy bank, 2nd place trophy from the Pinewood Derby races at church, his red Converse tennis shoes that I loved, our fav knit cap, Spiderman backpack...). His blankie is under a pillow next to my nightstand-- I'll put that in the bin very soon... but not just yet.
I'm not sure what I'll do with some of the things in that bin. I know that these are just "things" and are not my littlest man. But maybe I'll make a memory quilt down the road one day... or maybe I'll open the box a couple years from now and then decide that I don't need to hold on to this or that... or maybe it'll just go in the attic and I'll never open it again. I'm just glad that I don't have to decide all of this rightthisverysecond!
Thinking about doing all of it was actually much more difficult than the actual doing of it. (Does that make sense?) As I cried some and put the things away, I kept reminding myself that "He doesn't need these things in Heaven." (Thanks for reminding me of that a few weeks ago, Lele!) And it is SO true! I am comforted by that thought... even when I miss him like crazy. Everyone says I am being strong, but if they only knew how God has been holding me close and speaking so very clearly to me (actually, I think He is speaking the same-- I am just being more receptive than before!). Then they'd know that it is He that is holding me up... I am really not doing anything at all other than just trying my best to LISTEN to Him.
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." - Isaiah 41:10
"The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower." - Psalm 18:2
"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might." - Ephesians 6:10 (emphasis mine)
Speaking of listening, have y'all heard of Rita Springer? My friends shared a very cool song by her called "I Have To Believe"-- let me tell ya, she sings with soul! The live version snippet on her myspace page isn't as good as the one from her CD. (Ugh... now I have to get that image of the sooouuuuul train chugging across the screen out of my head!)