Thursday, April 26, 2012

yo, it's my birthday

Today I am 37.

Whether that is really old or really young depends on my mood and how my day is going.

Easy day = young

Rough day = old

It is 1:00 AM here and I am feeling OLD at this moment.

Noah was the first to bring him up. He was the first to say that he missed Christian.

We can't help but think of Christian when there is a major celebration or family moment to be marked.  We can't help but think of Christian when the hour grows late and our bodies are tired.  We can't help but think of Christian when we look at Ian's face or kiss his chubby chipmunk cheeks.

Holding Ian and hearing his baby coos fills my weary heart with smiles and unexpected joy.  How can I be both sad and happy? Empty and full? Weary and hopeful?

When I think of God's promises, I am reminded that He does not promise us that we will not have trouble and sorrow in this life. But He does promise to be with us and bring us through the trial without being consumed.

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
-Isaiah 43:2

We grieved for almost 3 years before God gave us the hope of Ian.  Three years of grief not brightened by the hope of this child that might not have been had his big brother not passed away.

But he is here now.  And I am thankful.

I am thankful for the gift of all my boys-- Austin, Noah, Christian and Ian.  I can't wait for all of us to be together for the first time.  Now that will be an occasion to celebrate!


Gwen T said...

The older I get (40 this year!) the more I long for heaven. What a beautiful tribute you wrote for Christian -- I can only imagine what incredible joy that will be when you are all together again. II Cor 4 - so glad that we can all have that eternal hope.

Happy Birthday, Marsha! I'm praying that God will make it a lovely, delightful day for you - full of remembering past happy birthdays and making new memories too.

Jac said...

So thankful for the blessed hope we have in Christ.
Have a very happy birthday surrounded by your adorable boys!

Anonymous said...

Ya know...I'm really sorry for the sadness that you all are feeling thinking of precious, "fwog" loving Christian. I am so happy that you all talk openly about the sadness...and embrace joy in the same way. ALL of your boys are precious.... WHAT A GORGEOUS PICTURE OF IAN AND DAVID AT THE BOTTOM!! You have NO IDEA how much you have blessed me Marsha. I am so blessed to call you friend...and I wish you a wonderful birthday...filled with all the joy and love that the Lord can saturate you with! Hugs! - Donna M

Christine said...

Happy Birthday to my beautiful sister who inspires me each day. As your big sister, I wish I could protect you from all of the hurt that life can throw at us (even though you were the one I needed protecting from at times in our younger years. :P). Times of celebration and milestones are times I miss Christian most. Of course he's never far from my thoughts Our family is so blessed to have little (not so little?) Ian in our lives. And yes......that celebration/reunion one day will be one that will definitely take the cake! :) I love you and can't wait to see you VERY soon.

Christine said...

Oh...and I love these pictures. The one of David and Ian is just GORGEOUS!

Mg Shortcake said...

Wonderful post! Happy Birthday Marsha! Though you bring me to tears with your post about Christian, I love reading about him!

Mg Shortcake said...

Wonderful post! Happy Birthday Marsha! Though you bring me to tears with your post about Christian, I love reading about him!

Sam said...


Tracy said...

Happy Birthday!! When you post pics like the first one I always think He (Christian) just looks like a angel from heaven who came to visit for a while!

Ian is adorable! The boys are getting so big!

LilTanGurl said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET FABULOUS MARSHY! <3 I am so happy for your heart!
Cannot wait for the reunion of your whole family!
Love you so much!

Shannon Wallace said...

God bless you on your special day! You know that I can understand the sadness that surrounds these happy occasions. My heart dropped for a moment for sweet Noah. God bless his heart. It's hard for us a mommas to not be able to mend their broken and grief-stricken hearts.

I am so, so happy that Ian brings such immense joy to you all. :) We are still waiting on our blessing...only God knows if that is meant to be.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! (Funny enough, my husband turns 37 tomorrow!) Hugs!!!

Unknown said...

Happy, happy Birthday Marsha! Wishing you a beautiful year with your beautiful family. Love, Love, LOVE, Becky!

Melissa Stover said...

happy birthday young 'un!
i'm so happy god chose to bless you with dear chubby ian. i'm so encouraged by your journey through a parent's darkest time and your ability to find joy.
i'm so admire you moving to a whole new place and taking that huge risk (having a baby there too!!)
i think you're awesome.
and bonus: you are always younger than me.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, girl. You are young, no matter what you think or feel. Take it from an "older woman" :-) Hope you enjoyed your day and that it was a special as you.

Kimmie said...

Well, happy belated (a whole lot) birthday.

mama to 8
one homemade and 7 adopted

Leanne said...


What's up?

I guess we haven't talked in a LONG time.

I think about you alllll the time and I miss you.

I understand being happy and sad and full an empty and weary and excited too.

Love you tons, still.

Karin Katherine said...

I just wanted to leave a comment so you know that I read this. I don't know what to say. You share your heart so beautifully----and the photography...I still remember that day, the phone calls... and I still ache for I rejoice over Ian with you!