Saturday, September 5, 2009

Changing focus

Remember when I planted those nectarine trees a while back? I purposefully tried very hard to not plant them in honor of Christian, no matter how much they reminded me of him and his love of nectarines.

You see, planting things in honor of someone you love and cherish is rather risky because everything dies sometime. Especially when you're not exactly living in the garden of Eden. Come on, summer in Texas is brutal! Downpours and drought turned this...


...into this...


It would be easy to focus on what was lost-- over a dozen plump little nectarines. The wet and then intense heat was too much for the tree. Now it's a goner, with no life left in the branches.

So I can focus on what I don't have or I can focus on what I do have.




(Look! He does smile!)


We will never forget Christian. We could never replace Christian. He is alive and well in our hearts, our memories and best of all-- with Jesus! I can't wait to see all that he's explored and hear about all of the adventures he has experienced so far.

Are you dwelling on what you do not have? Or what you do have? What is your focus?


19 comments:

Emily said...

I can't decide which of your posting 'styles' I like more...the funny, wacky ones that make me laugh...or the deep, moving ones that make me think.

p.s. LOVE the picture of your husband smiling. Jim doesn't smile a lot, so I've often thought of making a shirt for him that says, 'This IS my happy face.' :)

Melissa Stover said...

sweet pictures. i love the boys asleep together!
my aunt bought me a red maple to plant in honor of the baby we lost. i buried the baby under the tree as well. (i doubt i ever blogged this but i delivered a tiny baby at home and it seemed so irreverent to put it in a small box and bury it in the yard but we did) but, like you, i was hesitant to tell anyone about the tree what it was there for. i doubt many people know other than our immediate family. because trees can die. and that first summer after our loss i neglected it quite a bit. i failed to water regularly. but i thrived anyway.

Sisterlisa said...

aww ((hugs)) makes me want to crawl into bed with my little ones tonight.

Deedee said...

I did plant a memorial garden for all our babies that we lost. And it thrived. Of course it was at our old house where we lived when it all happened. I was going to replant the lavender bush and the heathers this summer - then our house burnt down and between the heat and the firemen tramping across them they are pretty dead now!

I finally decided to just buy new plants and plant another garden here at the new house. I know it won't be 'quite' the same but still special.

But you are soooooo right! It is the things we HAVE not the things we LOST that are most important. :o)

Beth@Pages of Our Life said...

I love how you are so open to share your reflections. I find that I have to force myself to shift to what we do have and that it is abundant.

My dad planted a rose bush in honor of my birth years ago. It's the Queen Elizabeth rose. It has somehow survived 3 moves and transplants and every time I look at it I am moved and reminded of the love my dad has for me. It's very special.

That fruit picture is screaming at me. :)

Jimmie said...

Beautiful. We all have that choice to make -- bitterness or thanksgiving. You have chosen (and continue to choose) so well.

KarenW said...

Thanks for the encouragement, Marsha. God has blessed me with so much but sometimes I focus on what I don't have.

beckypdj said...

What will I choose to focus on today? I am strongly leaning towards turning off Peyton's cell phone today. I also am thinking of upgrading to an iPHone. Which will I focus on, the fact that Peyton isn't here to use his phone or the fun of an iPhone. I know the comparison sounds irreverent, but those are really my choices today. Thanks for the post!

MarshaMarshaMarsha said...

Melissa, Beth: Do you worry about the tree or plants dying?

Deedee: House fire? Did I know that?! Wow, I'm glad y'all are okay! I like your attitude... just replant to remember.. even if you end up replacing the plants a few times.

I think the biggest reason for me not planting a memorial garden of sorts is that I am fearful of having to mourn twice. I know myself and I don't want to get emotionally attached to a thing. I am always happy when it works out for others, yet I still fear disappointment and heartache for them if something were to happen.

BUT I also know we can't live in fear, right? It is about keeping their memory alive and finding comfort.

MarshaMarshaMarsha said...

(((Becky))) Every step is hard, isn't it?

For me, there has been much peace in doing the things that are difficult. I found that the dread of something was more miserable and far outweighed the actually doing of it.

Praying for an extra measure of comfort for you today and a few laughs too!

Andrea said...

That's ME! Boom. Slam dunk. Thanks Marsha. I needed a kick in the buttocks. I've totally been concentrating on what I don't have. Thanks for showing me I can change my perspective.

Leanne said...

I loved this post. Those pictures of the limes, the hydrangea, are so beautiful!

Ha! David smiled!!! I KNEW he could do it! And really, his eyes are very jolly....

Marsha, my heart is so full right now I don't know where to begin....maybe I'll do a post about the thoughts your post stirred up, that have been bubbling and brewing lately....stay tuned!

Lylas.

rural momma said...

Marsha ~~ Thanks for once again being an ecouragement. Thanks for sharing a piece of your life with us. :o)

Tracy said...

Beautiful flowers and family! :)

NCMom said...

Change is always hard & necessary. (at least it is for me) God has been specifically dealing with me on my focus. I am learning to be content....but it ain't easy! ;)

Christine said...

This was a wonderful post! :)
I love the picture of David smiling... it makes me smile.

Love you!!!

Catherine Anne said...

Love it here!

Becca~TimeWellSpent said...

You have a beautiful focus!

Tara Rison said...

Thank you for reminding me of this.

Beautiful post!