Thursday, August 12, 2010

they didn't know him

I went to our Classical Conversations meeting tonight to put student notebooks together. It was my second time meeting the moms from our new Essentials class and the first time to really be able to just chat with one another.

I enjoyed talking with the other moms, one of which has 14 children! (Several homemade, several adopted and several foster.) As most conversations with mothers do, the talk turned to number of children. Actually, I was surprised that it took an hour and a half before we got to the subject.

When it got to me, I said "I have three boys. Those two right there and one that passed away almost 2 years ago."

And I said it without crying.

I even said it without choking up, hesitating or stuttering. It was a first for me!

I'm not quite sure how I feel about that either.

"I'm so sorry" was replied and then I kept talking about other things, not really wanting to be a downer and dwell on the subject.

Do you know what I realized?

These people have never met Christian. They don't know who he is or what he is like. They don't know when he was born or when he died. They don't even know his name because I didn't mention it.

Although they were feeling sorry for ME, it was *I* that was feeling sorry for them for not KNOWING him!

They truly missed out, y'all!

Then I realized something even more tragic...

How many people cross my path every single day that do not know Jesus?! My heart breaks for the loneliness and emptiness of the hearts that are empty of Him! I cannot imagine my life without Jesus.

my compassionate Savior,
and friend of the weak.
He is my Lord, my example, my hope!
Out of His mouth comes wisdom.
He is real from day to day.

Oh that my children see Him in me and through me always-- in words, actions and attitudes! That is a mighty tall order for this weak, failing woman.

Praise God that "I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13)

And does it bother you that others don't know Him? What are you going to do about it?


H said...


Your words make me feel so near to you. I wish you knew how many times I read what you write and just don't know how to respond in a way that would encourage you as you always encourage so many others!

It struck me the first day I was able to talk about my heartaches without bursting into tears...silly me blurted out the revelation right then and there, too. I've had times after that I wasn't as brave or strong, even still. But the times that He gives me that super-power, I make sure to see His gift. Every day that I'm able to enjoy peace and joy...smiles...I know exactly where that is coming from, now. So glad to no longer take it, and other amazing God given gifts, for granted!

Sending you sister hugs tonight...

Christine said...

It does bother me that there are many who cross my path that don't know Jesus. It bothers me even more that there are people who are close to me who don't KNOW Jesus. I love you, Marshy! I'm so glad I know Jesus. I'm also very glad I'm Christian's eemo.

livinginbetween said...

Wow. What a bittersweet moment for you.

It bothers me that it's an afterthought to me at times . . . that it takes me awhile to consider, "Does my new friend know Jesus?" Why is it not in the forefront of my mind?

rural momma said...

Marsha, I love how always seem to link things back to knowing the Lord. That really shows wear your heart is and where your hope is. I'm sorry that I did not get to 'know' Christian, he seems like a wonderful boy. I do know Jesus though, and I want those around me to know Him too. Some times taking that leap is hard, but He did not come to save the righteous but the sinners. Too many times we are stuck in our Sunday morning huddle and when a new person walks in we do not take the time to even go over and shake their hand. Or even worse, the new person may not fit up to our 'Sunday morning standards' and we can dismiss them altogether. It is a shame, but it happens pretty much every time the church doors open. Yes, there are those who truly demonstrate the love of Jesus, and that is where I want to be. It is not about us, it is all about Him.
Thanks for the great post!! :o)

Kellye said...

What a great post Marsha!! Thanks so much for sharing your heart with us!!!

Angie said...

I guess our hearts were on the same page yesterday. I was exercising on a bike and watch a really stupid show.. Maury-(by the way I never watch this stuff-it was on that channel) as I watched this show tears started to flow because the whole thing was about sin, of course, and every person on the show I knew did not know Christ. I cried for them. I cried for their lacking of knowing him. I cried that there was not someone telling them that if they gave their lives to Christ, and lived for Him, they would have to be there!

Gottjoy! said...

I am sorry that they didn't get to know Christian...I am glad to you are sharing him with us. It does make me extremely sad that I have people in my life that I may not see in Heaven. After Rebekah, I have had such a burden in my heart for those that don't know Him. That is part of the 'good' that came out of love for people. Thank you for this post that points back to Him.

I will be very interested on your take on Classical Conversations. Some of my friends wanted to start one in our area, but we already have a co-op that offers 103 classes. Amazing...we have 150 students this year! Although, I did use CC's reading list to help put together a list for my tenth grader.


Lesley Peck said...

I love you Marsha! I have so much I could say to you but it would take up a whole lot of space so I'll hush. Just know I'm thinking of you this month and praying for your continued strength. {hugs}

Diane said...

Oh Marsha,

How I just love your heart. I know you probably don't even remember me...(you personally sent me some pencil grips for my boy)...but I feel like I know you so well.

First...Yes, it IS sad that they didn't get to see how funny Christian was. Any picture or story you would share had me oohing and awwing and giggling.

Second- oh yes, it kills me, to know there are so many who don't know our God. I am on our church's worship team. Sometimes I get out there and I look around, and all I see is hurt, pain, loneliness. We have a lot of new believers and many who are coming to see what God is all about, what community is all about. Every week, I do what I can to be "Jesus with skin on" to them. No way am I perfect, not even close- but God has shown me how to love others because he first loved me...and so that is what I share.

Love you sista'!

Unknown said...

I know exactly how you are feeling and I still don't know what to say to you. It's been almost 7 years since my Jonathan died. The first time I talked about his death without crying, I felt really strange, almost like I was a bad person for not crying. Although, there are still times that I start crying and can't stop when I'm thinking about him. But, I do know that we can find comfort knowing that our boys are with our Lord and Savior Jesus! Praying that the Lord continues to bring you strength each and everyday. I wish I could have met your little guy, or you for that matter. :)

Janis Van Keuren said...

Hi MarshaMarshaMarsha (Sorry, I couldn't resist),
You're cute face was just before my entry in the (in) courage birthday celebration. Being the dutiful woman that I am, I came over to your page to get to know you better and hang out for a while. The person I met here really impressed me.
You're witty and clever and tender and caring. You are also quite talented.
I couldn't help but notice that you had lost a son, and while you have been blessed to move through the grieving process, I'm sure this is quite difficult for you.
I have 2 grown sons that still live at home. Oldest has just found his career niche and youngest is at the local university.
I'm a writer as well, loving the blogging experience and growing in my photography knowledge.
It was great to meet you. Come by my place sometime. I need to do some redecorating but I think you'll still find it a welcome place.

Amy's Avenue Blog! said...

I am so excited to be connected with you through our blogs, and through home ec! You seem super fun!!!!

Crystal said...

What a good post! I think we so often forget how many people don't know this wonderful Savior, and we could be the one to introduce them!! What a wonderful and blessed opportunity it is when God gives us the chance to share of HIM with others!!
I actually wrote about a difficult time for me, when I didn't take that opportunity to sahre with a friend who I knew was dying, and within weeks of passing it up, of saying 'no' to God because I didn't want to be 'uncomfortable', she did pass away. I have no clue is she knew Him or not, though I assume she didn't. I still think about it often and its probably one of the only regrets I actually have in my life. (If you check it out it was my Two Junior High Treasures post). But that just pushes me more now to NOT ever pass up the chance again, because even if the person isn't terminally ill, you just never know what could happen the next day or week or month.

Unknown said...

Yes, it bothers me. Greatly. Daily. Moment by moment. 4 million worth.

GREAT post, Marsha.

Amico Dio said...

You have such a gift for taking the stories of your life and reflecting Jesus in them. I am so blessed to have you as a friend. I wish I had known Christian more than just through a blog page. I wish I'd spent time with him and just once looked into his baby blue eyes. I want to know him because of the way you talk write about him and the way you would glow in photos when he was near. I see the effect he has on you and I wish I had known that too. Gives me something to think about when I speak of my Jesus to others.

Thanks for giving me such an amazing revelation tonight, when I should be sleeping. :)

julie said...

Girl, is this your first year in CC? This is my second and I'm tutoring this year. My older boys are in their second year of Essentials this year. I just love it. Oh we have to talk Foundations and Essentials!

I am so sorry for all the people that did not know Christian. And I'm amazed once again at how God leads our thoughts to Him. Isn't he wonderful that way??

Blessings to you and your CC group this year. Email or comment me.

Deedee said...

Well done on saying it without tears. (HUGS)Though I know it doesn't feel 'right' to be able to do so. I was/am the same when I can talk about our babies in Heaven's nursery without tears - I feel like I'm growing hard or something. *sigh*

People are missing out on knowing Dozer! But they can get a 2 for 1 deal. If they get to know our wonderful Saviour - then one day they get to meet Dozer too!! :o) Sending (hugs) across the pond. - Deedee

Anonymous said...

I can't wait for the day that I can run up to him & hug him (Christian). He'll probably look at me like "who's this crazy woman?"

But it'll be okay.

I feel like I know him & love him too! :)


Steve said...

Dear Marsha,

Great point, and one we need to let the Holy Spirit work into each of us to let him speak through us to those who don't know Jesus personally. Let me comment on one part you brought up.

I believe that your "non-reaction" to mentioning Christian isn't an indication that you love him any less or that you have gotten over the loss. I think it's just an indicator that the pressure exerted on your heart by the loss has been accommodated. It just happens. The wound is not fully healed--nor can we expect it to be in this life--and your priorities and desires have not changed. But you have changed in order to fit this very uncomfortable fact into your existence.

Let the Creator of your heart help you see what's happening and what to make of it. I think there's some comfort in knowing that He's working in you and your heart is being changed daily by his care.

I don't dare compare our griefs, but I do know that loss is painful. I know looking at what I've lost in my abilities is hard. I don't want to accept certain facts, but I know that He has seen this from the beginning and He is authoring in me a new chapter full of his miracles, big and small, and his beautiful redemption and ultimate triumph. Letting Him have mastery over my heart and mind is my challenge. Letting deprivation, pressure, stress, joy, hope, and living desire shape them without losing sight of His love is the essence of my life in Him. Comfortable? No. Needed? Yes.

Can I accept this? Do I have to do it? Only if I want to reach the prize He has for me in the end. For that reason, I subject myself fully to His will, whatever the cost. Can I endure this? Only He would know. But I want that prize. I hunger for it constantly.

Didn't mean to write a book. Maybe I'll post this on my blog too.

Thank you, Marsha, for giving us a window into your grief and the process of moving through it. You are His daughter. I can see it. ;)


Gwen T said...

You always amaze me, Marsha. It truly is the Lord working through you, I know, but it still amazes me how He has given you strength and grace far beyond what you probably could have imagined before.

Up until about 5-6 years ago, I think the thought of people dying without Jesus didn't really bother me too much. The Lord has put me under tremendous conviction though and it's caused me to share my faith far more in recent years than in my entire life. Until we take the consequences of unbelief seriously, we won't develop a passion for sharing with the lost. Joining Wycliffe full-time as been a step in this whole process and God has given us a passion for being a part of getting the Gospel to people who are without.

Beckypdj said...

I love you Marsha. I feel like I know Christian and I can't wait to meet him. I too remember the first time I was able to tell someone about Peyton without tearing up.
(you left a comment on that post)

I see so many hurting people these days and it breaks my heart. Jesus is the answer and we must tell them. Thanks for the reminder.

G-MA said...

Marsha, just been reading your posts of 2010--how they have touched my heart--I feel like i have been sitting in church to one of best sermons--I can relate so much with your heart felt feelings. GOD has blessed you with such a wonderful way to put your feelings into words. and the many comments from friends and family that follow--really add to your post also. I'm so proud to be your GMA and to be a part of your life. We have some wonderful memories don't we.
So sorry that I never was with Christain much and that he and David missed
my 80 th party. I look at all the pictures and several are missing--some at their homes while some already in Heaven. Yes, we will rejoice and share good times in future with those who are already rejoincing with our LORD.
Hopefully I'll keep up with your blog in the future. It brings such joy to read all the scriptures that you insert. So glad you depend on the LORD and your daily life shows that.
Take care-God Bless-Love-GMA