Good husband, bad idea

David just walked into the room with a stack of mail in his hands. He says "Uh-oh. IRS for..." and then proceeded to name our business name.

I'm pretty much thinking this cannot be good and had that pukey feeling in my stomach.

Thoughts of a previous letter from the IRS saying we owed $13,000 ran through my head-- fortunately, that incident was simply a clerical error and easily fixed (whew!). But this time?!

He continues to read "Blah blah blah... please notify us of where to send... the overpayment..."

Overpayment?! He is just lucky I didn't have something in my hand to throw at him-- a fistful of coupons just wouldn't have caused the appropriate amount of damage!!! Okay, I'm going to calm down now. Maybe.

Seriously though, IS IT EVER A GOOD IDEA TO KID ABOUT THE IRS?! I think not. And this is definitely not something that is easily forgotten just because you say "I love you, baby!" with a smile on your face. In fact, perhaps the smile is not a good idea. And that he laughed? Yah, not a wise move either buddy.

Ack! I still feel my heart racing and all weird in my stomach. And someone needs to give David some marriage tips here. Y'know, like a top 10 list of things NOT to do!

David definitely balances me. I am not a prankster by nature, but he is. He usually holds back on playing tricks on me because the benefits don't always ever outweigh the consequences. :) I guess this time he just didn't have enough self control!

I need to go walk 10 miles or do the super hula hoop on the Wii fit... anything to get unfrazzled.

Civil War Comic Books

When I was little, we used to check out all the Garfield and Peanuts comic books we could find at our rinky dink base library. But that was back in the old days. Nowadays, however, look what the latest comics have turned up!

Graphic Novel History: Civil War Set 1 and Set 2.

Summer School Isn't So Bad

Yup, we are schooling through the summer.

Actually, we hope to finish up the current year in, ahem, well... let's just say summer should be officially over by then!

You can read more about it on my latest post (and leave some comment luv) over at Heart of the Matter: http://heartofthematteronline.com/summer-school-isnt-so-bad/

I definitely don't cry for Christian

I have the very best friends and family-- thank you all for your prayers, love and encouragement.

You. bless. me.

I had heard Andrew's Song by Mandisa before and forgotten about it. My sister Coco sent it to me the other day and I had the pleasure of listening to it again. The words are wonderful and Mandisa's voice is amazing.

Y'know, I definitely don't cry for Christian, I just get a little sad for myself sometimes. And that's okay. This world is temporary and when I get to the real world, I cannot wait for Christian to show me around! He couldn't be in more loving arms-- the arms of Jesus. And those same arms are around me and my family as well. I am eternally grateful for those arms and the nail scars on his hands that he bore for me. He suffered for ME! The very least I can do is praise Him for all that He has done and for all that He is!

But thy lovingkindess is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.

Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name.

My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips:

[Psalm 63:3-5]

You Wouldnt Cry (Andrew’s Song) - Mandisa

Waking up crying and a little monster video

I was riding a bike with my oldest son Austin. It was a tandem bike that went surprisingly fast for having two riders on it. As we approached a small playground adjacent to a building, something made me slam on the brakes. HARD. We skidded across the sidewalk and the rear part of the bike flew up in the air, hurling Austin across the pavement and head first into the sand. I immediately knew that he must be desperately injured. Disentangling myself from the bike was no easy task, but the panic rising in my chest urged me forward.

I ran to the sandy playground to see if Austin was moving, breathing, alive! But for some reason I couldn't focus. A child, a little boy was yelling or making some sort of sound effects in play. I could see him out of the corner of my eye. Man, he was being really loud, forcing me to move my eyes away from the sand and over to him.

Hey, do you mind being quiet over there?! Someone is really hurt over here!

As I heard myself screaming out these words, the boy looked at me. He was wearing a purple shirt and these little red knit shorts with a navy stripe down the side. I looked a little closer and noticed that he must be close to 4 years old, yellow hair, blue eyes dancing, and a mischievous little grin on his face.

It finally hit me. I began yelling at the top of my lungs "Look!!! That boy has yellow hair and blue eyes! It's my boy! That's him over there!"

It was already too late. Christian was gone.

Despair swept over me and I began to cry. The kind of crying that reaches deep within as if it were pulling out the last breath, the last ounce of hope from me.

I woke up with this crying. Weeping out loud. David asked me what was wrong, but all I could think to say was That boy had yellow hair! It was him! But then he was gone!

I honestly have not had many dreams about Christian this past year. The first dream I had of him after he died, I was walking through an airport terminal. He came from behind me on a little scooter-- he just kept on going way ahead of me. It was like he was on his way to a particular place. I think we were heading to the same place, but at his speed he was definitely going to get there before me. :-)

There was one particular week that I was having a rather difficult time with things-- being sad and just missing him terribly. God blessed me with this amazingly clear dream where I was holding Christian-- holding him close with his legs wrapped around me. He'd kiss me and then kind of sit back a little and look at me and LAUGH. I woke up that morning feeling like I really did get to hold him and kiss him-- I could still feel the weight of him on me and the softness of his cheeks and how his lips were kinda boney feeling because when he'd kiss you, he'd always smile and you could be sure to feel his teeth right behind his stretched out lips.

This dream, however, was very strange, don't you think? I still haven't figured it out yet. I know we don't always have to figure out things-- like why I have dreams about a gorilla hanging underneath my car as I'm driving down the road. But honestly, whenever I have a dream about Christian, it usually ministers directly to my hurting heart (like the hugs and kisses) or tells me something (like the airport- he reached Heaven first, a real place!).

You know what else is weird? I can remember exactly what he was wearing in my dream. This purple-ish shirt:

And these red shorts:

Not the best pictures of my littlest man, but they still make me smile-- ugly painting clothes and all!

I really don't know why I'm even posting this. Maybe I just want to cry because it reminds me that Christian was really here. Because some days, it feels like those precious years with him were just a dream... a figment of my imagination. Others days it feels like he is just in the other room and I think that maybe this is the dream and that is reality (oh if it were true!). *sigh*

Thanks for reading down this far, y'all. I'm sure I have made zero sense here, but it's been good to get it all out instead of saving it as a draft only to delete it a couple days later.

And since I still have ya here, I might as well force a family video on you. Y'know, like crazy Uncle Charlie that corners you and forces you to listen to that same old story he's told a dozen times? :-) Here is one of monster-spiderman-Christian whooping up on his villainous big brothers (July 2007).

Revisionist history at its best- a la Drews boys!

If my boys were to rewrite history, there would be less yawning and much more drama.

Maybe the heavy artillery is required because there's gold in there? Who knows what kind of treasure is being safeguarded? If I ask the boys, it seems that the answer changes each time or they suddenly don't remember (which is code for: "Hey mom, will you stop asking us these questions and just let us play?").

For the record: I'd hate to be the soldier that has the dinosaur doodoo duty.

The benefits to lazy...

Sometimes a little lazy goes a long way-- at least when it comes to a fun breakfast. Because if it requires a lot of effort when it's early in the morning (okay, DO NOT look at the clock in the background!), then we will never get fancier than a bowl of cereal. :)

Family Portrait

Which child did not obey their mommy when she said "Be normal!"?

It's not goodbye

This past week, the last "loose end" was tied when we received Christian's marker.
I know that many people feel guilty about not having a marker made right away. But really, what's the rush? It's hard enough to sum up your precious loved one's life in so few words without having to worry about a timeline. Besides, the marker is not for the person who has died, but for the people that are left behind-- for us! The final product was worth the wait and not rushing into decisions that we might later regret.

See the little oval on the right? There's a custom bronze frog right in the middle of it. When you lift the cover up, you see this:

There just doesn't seem to be enough years between those two dates up there. It reminds me that a successful life isn't the number of years lived, but that we fulfill God's purpose for our life in the time that we are given! It is not my place to question God-- He is The Creator and I am merely His creation. But I trust Him and I take Him at His Word.

It's not goodbye... it really isn't. It's more like see you in a little while.

I Thessalonians 4:13-18

"But I would not have you to be ignorant,brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.

For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.

For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.

For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:

Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

(This custom marker was made by CR Bronzeworks. We could not be more pleased with the quality of the marker and the care and professionalism of the staff.)

Creamy Blueberry Pie

In honor of temperatures in the 90s, I give you this yummy recipe that is neither too sweet nor too heavy. And the best thing is that this one recipe makes two pies-- so you can be neighborly and give one away, or be a happy hog and keep them both to yourself. :)

Creamy Blueberry Pie

1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
3/4 cup sugar
2 cups whipped topping
2 (9 inch) pastry shells, baked
1 (21 ounce) can blueberry pie filling

Prick your pie crusts with a fork and bake according to package directions. My favorite is Mrs. Smith's Deep Dish (although the deep dish will give you shallow pies). Let cool.

In a mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Fold in whipped topping. Pour mixture into pastry shells. Spread with pie filling. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.