matthew 5:14

Is your light hidden or set high for all to see?

Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

-Matthew 5:13-16

fear, faith and finishing

In The Big Wave by Pearl S. Buck, Kino is a young Japanese boy that asks his father about death. His father tells him that death is the great gateway.

"The gateway-- where?" Kino asked.

Kino's father smiled. "Can you remember when you were born?"

Kino shook his head. "I was too small."

Kino's father laughed. "I remember very well. Oh, how hard you thought it was to be born! You cried and you screamed."

"Didn't I want to be born?" Kino asked. This was very interesting to him.

"You did not," his father told him smiling. "You wanted to stay just where you were in the warm, dark house of the unborn. But the time came to be born, and the gate of life opened."

"Did I know it was the gate of life?" Kino asked.

"You did not know anything about it and so you were afraid of it," his father replied. "But see how foolish you were! Here we were waiting for you, your parents, already loving you and eager to welcome you. And you have been very happy, haven't you?"

"Until the big wave came," Kino replied. "Now I am afraid again because of the death that the big wave brought."

"You are only afraid because you don't know anything about death," his father replied. "But someday you will wonder why you were afraid, even as today you wonder why you feared to be born."

Death is indeed a doorway. The doorway that leads to our REAL life, the one that will last, the one that will matter!

For those that have accepted and put their faith in Jesus Christ, this life will pale in comparison to our eternal one! For those that have rejected Jesus Christ, this life will be like bliss in comparison to the eternal anguish that awaits. {If you do not accept Him, you reject Him. There is no in-between!}

I am not afraid of the dying itself. I only fear for David, Austin and Noah being here without me. Imagining their heartache, questioning, uncertainty, anger, and long lasting sorrow.... that is what I fear. I fear for them.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. -Isaiah 41:10

And then I realize my pride. Is God only MY God? Does He only guide, lead and comfort ME? How foolish my thoughts and fears are! I don't plan on checking out anytime soon, but if God call me home soon, I know that He will comfort and care for my family.

The devil uses fear to paralyze me into inaction and distract me from the finish line.

Every marathon is won by just taking one step at a time.

-Ann Voskamp

I don't know about you, but I plan on running to the finish line! I am not going to quit serving God because I am tired and weary and longing for REST. The daily battling of thoughts, the daily missing of a part of my flesh exhausts me. But it will make rest in my Saviour that much sweeter.

It would be horrible to look back on my life and see that I quit, gave up on God and this race set before me, just because I cannot see what is beyond this bend in the road.

What if I quit, only to find out I was a few strides short of the finish line?

All I can SEE is the very next step that God lights for me.

All I can DO is take it.

Are you paralyzed by fear? Fear of death, failure, what people will think of you... fear of making a mistake, of ridicule, of putting yourself and your beliefs and your heart out there for all the world to see...

Choose FAITH over fear! Don't let fear stop you or distract you from what God is telling you to do. CHOOSE to trust God and take the next step that He has lighted before you. It will lead you closer to Him, closer to rest, closer to the finish line.

great FB purge of 2011

We are entering into our last week here in Guam. With a week long break back in Texas, we are readjusting to the time change once again.

So what am I doing when it is 4am and all of us are wide awake?

Today, I am deleting apps from my Facebook account. Oi!

It's an embarrassing history of games and quizzes and further proof of how much time I can waste at night, avoiding sleep until the last possible moment, hoping to not just drift off to sleep but just pass out without thoughts running through my head.

A sampling of deleted applications (don't judge me):

How Texan are you?

Typing Race

What Disney Princess are you? (I'm glad that I am Belle. She was always my favorite!)

How dorky are you?

Vote for your cow. (This was a ChickfilA contest...I hope?)

What's your old lady name?

I bet I can find out your favorite color in 7 questions.

Which Food Network personality are you?

Cool toys of the 80s and 90s.

What movie musical leading lady are you?

Which decade are you?

Civil War history.

And no, I do not remember the answers anymore. Sorry about that.

Okay, but here is the BEST application/game that I deleted today-- MAFIA WARS. Woot woot!

A certain someone took over the MW account on my FB page a few years ago. In that time, my friends list grew to 895. I like to think that people honestly like me, but seriously? There is NO WAY I even know 895 people!

I am proud to announce that the person has been MW free for 3 weeks now and I am deleting the account and the "friends" that are in my Mafia. *cough* That just sounds silly. Yes, I have a mafia and we rob places and gift each other ties, hornet snipers, and brass knuckles. bahaha!

My question for y'all is this.

Do you have an addiction to any Facebook games? Do you think you could give it up?

Oh and if I accidentally delete you in the great FB purge of 2011, feel free to request to be my friend again. :) There are often unintended casualties in war.

Sweet Shot: my guys

These guys make me really happy.

Even after sharing a non-suite hotel room for over a month.

Can y'all believe that my boys have fought less in our tight quarters than when we were at our home in Texas?

I know it has nothing to do with size of space and everything to do with a mommy that is focused completely on them, with zero outside distractions. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to do nothing at all.

What about you? Do you think you do too much or not enough?

isaiah 52:7

I couldn't help but think of this hymn as I gazed upon the hills and ocean beyond.

I am thankful that MY GOD REIGNS!

Not only in the days of sun, but in the shadows as well.

Our God Reigns

How lovely on the mountains are the feet of Him

Who brings good news, good news;

Announcing peace, proclaiming news of happiness:

Our God reigns, our God reigns!

Our God reigns!

Our God reigns!

Our God reigns!

Our God reigns!

He had no stately form, He had no majesty

That we should be drawn to Him.

He was despised and we took no account of Him.

Our God reigns, our God reigns!

It was our sin and guilt that bruised and wounded Him.

It was our sin that brought Him down.

When we like sheep had gone astray our Shepherd came

And on His shoulders bore our shame.

Meek as a lamb that's led out to the slaughterhouse,

Dumb as a sheep before its shearer,

His life ran down upon the ground like pouring rain

That we might be born again.

Out from the tomb He came with grace and majesty;

He is alive, He is alive.

God loves us so, see here His hands, His feet, His side

Yes we know, He is alive.

Our God reigns!

Our God reigns!

Our God reigns!

Our God reigns!

what i see

Want to see what I see?

I have to warn you, some of it is pretty and some of it is messy and all of it feels like summer.

View 1: from the balcony

It is mighty pretty, isn't it?

View 2: from the entryway

It is mighty messy, isn't it?

Housekeeping has obviously not arrived yet.

Notice that we brought the necessities like Xbox 360 and laptops with us. Even with that beautiful view, we appreciate our electronics!

View 3: from the hallway

I still get a little dizzy looking down to the lobby. We are on the 13th floor. The sign on our door says we are on the 14th floor, but I don't believe them. When you are riding the glass elevator up and your floor is the one immediately after floor 12, it's not hard to do the math. My dorky boys and I make some sort of crack about it every single day. :)

View 4: where we go to take a break from our room

Stunning views of Tumon Bay from those big windows, but we're too busy playing Skip-Bo to notice. Sometimes I spice up our routine by offering a candy prize for the champion of the day.

I'm a wild and crazy mom like that.

Please notice the Japanese tourists taking a picture of their food. They always take pictures of their food, even if the food is ugly. But tourists are a post for another day.

View 5: view of Noah-boah because he makes me happy and willingly complied when I asked if I could shoot him at 1.6.

What is the view like in your neck of the woods?

PS Noah needs a haircut.

HOTM Conference ticket giveaway

We have Random winners! Congrats to Danielle Leigh, Jac and Karen! Check your inbox for an email from me. :)

Heart of the Matter Online will be hosting an online Homeschool Conference next month. I don't know about y'all, but February is the perfect time for a little mid-homeschool-year pick me up! And online is the perfect place to listen, learn and fellowship without having to battle the cold weather or pay for a hotel room (you can save your money for a date night!).

I sound like an infomercial when I say this, but if I had to list my favorite speakers this time around, I would have to list all of them! (go ahead and *groan*... you know you wanna).

Take a look for yourself:

Speakers (Amanda Bennet! Carol Barnier! Jimmie! Cindy West!...)

Conference Schedule

Door Prizes (I *heart* door prizes!)

And if you aren't sure how this whole virtual conference thing works, the FAQ's will answer all your questions.

HOTM is graciously allowing me to give away 3 conference tickets!

Y'all have three ways to enter.

1. Leave a comment saying I need a pick me up!

2. Share this giveaway on Facebook.

3. Tweet this giveaway.

Time for a pick-me-up homeschool conference- you can even wear your pj's! @drewsfamilytx is giving away tickets at http://bit.ly/gnkYbs

Leave a separate comment for each entry, for a total of three entries. Contest closes Thursday, February 3rd.

Winners will be notified by email- so be sure to include your email addy! You can make it look something like this: youraddress[at]internet[dot]com

See you at ze conference!

matthew 7:26-27

Koror, Palau

When David was little, he watched Man with the Golden Gun. James Bond chasing the bad guys in a speedboat, racing through islands of rock. He sat through the credits to see where this spectacular place might be-- Palau!

David fulfilled his childhood dream of visiting these emerald islands and crystal clear water.

And we got to go too! Eeeeeeeeee!!!

{All of these photos were taken with David's Droid phone or with a cheapy underwater camera that we rented (cheap as in quality but not in price. Oi!).}

The water was inky with deep blues and bright turquoise, yet clear to the bottom. I can't even explain how that is possible.

Can you see why they call them the Rock Islands?

So many shades of blue and green...

Our first stop was a cove that the locals call the Milky Way.

We couldn't snorkel here as the water was too cloudy blue to see. David dove down to the bottom and brought up a handful of white limestone mud to smear over our face and body. (Kicking myself for not having a picture of my mud smeared boys!). The mud is supposed to be very good for your skin and is even sold in spas.

It was bluer than the fake blue of a swimming pool!

The Big Drop-off on the southern corner of Palau was our next stop. This vertical reef wall is popular for both snorkeling and diving.

We opted to snorkel. :) I am so proud of my boys! They weren't scared a bit!

The Big Drop-off is as close to diving as you can get with its bright coral and colorful fish. The pictures just don't do it justice! Picture the gray coral down there as vibrant yellow and red.

The water over the top of the wall ranges from 10-20 feet deep. But the side of the wall? The water turns midnight as the depth of the floor drops 1000 feet!

The day just got better and better...

We had lunch and then swam a short distance from shore to snorkel with black tipped SHARKS!

These guys look far away, but they were literally right below us!

The only advice our guide gave us was to not reach our hands out to the sharks. Uhhh... okaaaay, I guess I can resist that urge.

We still can't decide what was the most exciting adventure in Palau.

Was it the brilliant colors of the Big Drop-off?

Swimming with sharks?

OR swimming with these guys?

Oh man, Jellyfish Lake was SO COOL!

I love this shot of Austin holding one in his hand. (Ack, where is Noah? He loved the jellyfish too.)

Don't worry, these guys don't sting!

CLOUDS of them.

They follow the sun through the lake, constantly brushing up against you. The boys showed NO FEAR.

Me? It made me jump as if a big roach had run across my hand! But when the water is that thick with jellyfish, you just can't avoid it.

So I held one in my hand and realized that it wasn't so bad, quite fun actually! They feel like Jello. :)

Even in the rain, Palau was the most beautiful place I have ever been. I kept thinking WOW, when God created the piney woods of East Texas, He also made this place!

Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
-Isaiah 40:28

His understanding and ways are so much greater than my ways. And His creativity and imagination render me speechless.

It sounds so cliche but words and pictures could never do justice the breathtaking splendor of Palau. What a gift and blessing to behold it with my own eyes, to etch the landscape into my memory!

dream within a dream

It is 6:45am Thursday morning here in Guam. I had a dream within my dream last night.

I was in a very large closet holding a pair of slip on tennis shoes, red with black piped trim. I held them up and asked "Do you think these will fit you?"

"I dink so mommy!" pipes up from behind me.

Silhouette coming closer, face clear in view, it is CHRISTIAN!

My heart is almost bursting with joy, the kind that we used to have when I would look at my kids and husband and the laughter filling the room when they would all wrestle together on the bed. Dog pile on daddy!

I smile at Christian's dancing blue eyes, pale skin, light hair and he smiles back.

Something within me realizes that this is not reality. While it is what I wish it to be, it is not how things should be... Breath leaves me, spirit lowers, tears prick my eyes.

With the sound of Christian's voice fading from memory, I wake up again. Face to pillow, eyes still closed, the dream within a dream is replayed in my memory as I try to hold on to that fullness of heart, the distinct sound of his voice, how the word 'think' was emphasized by a slightly higher pitch and volume than the other words, the look of his eyes staring right into mine.

It is a sort of desperation. I don't want to forget!!!

Christian won't ever be forgotten but what of the details? The exact sound of his voice, the feel of his hair, how it was just a little lighter in some spots than others, how he had this little blue vein that would run across the bridge of his nose?

I don't want to forget. It is this fear that gnaws at me, grabs for me, threatens to pull me down. Ten years from now what kind of mother would I be that forgets her own child?!

As I sit here appreciating the gift of this dream, of the remembering, the crazy fears subside.

My friend Susan comes to mind. Yesterday would have been her son Joshua's 17th birthday. It has been over 8 years since her son, daughter and father passed away.

More years without her children than with them... and she still remembers.

She still remembers!!!

God gives grace in time of need.

Every. single. time.

Thank you, God for this grace of Susan's testimony in my time of need.

There is not one moment where God has failed me. He has always heard my cry and offered a way of escape.

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."
-I Corinthians 10:13

Death and sorrow, disappointment and heartache, these are common things. Yes, it is new to ME, but to say that it is new to the world or unheard of is foolish. Even more foolish are those that live as if they will never die or that life will be void of suffering and pain.

As Christians, we should expect difficulty in life. Yes, God does bless--He has blessed me far beyond measure and far beyond what I deserve! I have JOY in my life and joy in the details and I am thankful.

Who would ever know the greater graces of comfort and perseverance, mercy and forgiveness, patience and courage, if no shadows fell over a life?
-Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

But it is not enough to just be thankful, we must also be ready. We are in a BATTLE, fighting for the King of Kings!

Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.

-II Timothy 2:3

Do not fear. We will win.