Friday, June 4, 2010

another sweet dream

I had a short but sweet dream about Christian this morning. I want to write down what I can before it fades from memory...

Austin and I were crying together when Christian suddenly appeared standing next to us. When I saw him, I knew he had died and had somehow come to be with us for a little bit.

(For some reason this is important to me... to not dream a dream, but dream a slice of reality- if that even makes sense).

I picked Christian up and held him close for a while. He seemed so big with his arms around me and his legs hanging down below my waist. My arms become a little tired with the weight of him.

He was wearing a gray shirt with blue sleeves.

Austin came closer, gently touched Christian’s leg and sweetly said “Hi, Christian!!!”

When I finally found my voice, I remember saying “Oh how I’ve missed you, Christian!!!”

He answered very matter of factly, “I in Heaven now, mommy.”

I asked him if he liked it there. I really wanted him to stay with me now. I really wanted him to say that he missed me.

He looked off in the distance like he often did and simply stated,
“I have fwiends there, mommy.”

I knew right then that he was going back and that he would be waiting until I joined him one day.

Suddenly he was gone again… my arms empty. I fell to the ground in a crying heap and wailed out loud, hardly able to breathe.

And then I woke up.



I don't know why Christian said what he did in my dream. It's not like I have been worrying about him in Heaven! I do find it comforting that he said he has friends there. :) The thought never occurred to me before but now, just thinking about it warms my mommy heart.

David told me that he's glad that I had the dream. It had been a long while since I had a dream. It's almost as if we are a little jealous of the other being able to see and talk with Christian in our slumber. For some grieving parents, dreams are something to be dreaded. The waking up from the dream and facing reality is torture. But for us, the dreams are a gift... I have woken up feeling the weight of him in my arms, the feel of his soft cheek on my lips, the sound of his voice in my ears. Things that are impossible to imagine at will sometimes.

Christian is gone.

But I know I’ll see him again. And it won't be in a dream.

26 comments:

Christine said...

I love you, Marshy. Oh how I miss him!!! I'm so happy you had that dream. I imagined every second of what you described. What a blessing. I love you!

Pat said...

So sweet ain't God so good to give you these dreams. I just love his sweet little smile and he is there and you will see him again someday and I am glad he has fwends there.

Susan said...

Making me cry again! I'm thrilled for you that your dreams of Christian is a gift.

GlowinGirl said...

What a beautiful gift that dream is . . . .to feel him and to be comforted by this words. And to be able to picture him with his friends in Heaven. Such a sweet thing to hold onto.

Thank you for sharing something so precious.

MistyK said...

Beautiful, Marsha. God is so good! Praying for you now. Thanks so much for sharing your story.

Beckypdj said...

I am so glad you had that dream. Missing them is so complex. I've had dreams of Peyton that made me happy and some that made me feel dissastified. I would always ask him if he'd seen Jesus and he would say yes.

What a wonderful place it must be!!! Maybe Peyton & Christian are "fwiends".

Hugs to you

Sheri said...

So glad you had such a wonderful dream.

Lesley said...

oh Marsha I'm so glad you were able to dream and be with your Christian for just a little while. You may not understand why you had this dream, since you said you haven't been worrying about him, but God knew you needed this. May you feel His blessings until the next sweet dream. Hugs & lots of <3 your way!

Samantha said...

What a beautiful dream!

Amy in Peru said...

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad that we will be in heaven one day! and it won't be long really... the grass withers and the flowers fade (lifespans are SO short in the whole scheme of things) but...

The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.

HE does not grow tired or weary; His understanding is unsearchable.

He gives strength to the weary and to him who has no might (that's me!) He increases strength.

That is Who Christian is with there... and Who watches, waits, loves and delights in us. :) YAY!

I just got done with my reading this morning. GOD is GOOD. For He has done marvelous things!

amy in peru

Amy in Peru said...

PS. Just imagine who Christian's friends might be and you might get a little jealous! ;)

I can think of a whole LOT of friends I can't wait to meet!!! Lucky little boy he is...

"Miss" Anita said...

Hallelujah that it won't be in a dream! :)

(I type this with a big lump in my throat and tears welling up inside.)

{{Hugs to you, Marsha!}}

Amy said...

What a precious gift that he "visits" you to comfort you all. It must make life without him at least a bit more bearable each time. The biggest comfort being the promise (the biggest gift) that you'll see him again one day!
Praying for you!

-:- Tamara -:- said...

I have tears flowing down my cheek. The Lord truly gave you a sweet dream filled with special blessings.

Melissa Stover said...

i'm glad you have these gifts, but i can't imagine the waking up from them part. when you realize again that he's gone. it seems though that all your dreams are meant to comfort and i love that.

NCMom said...

((HUGS)) I am so glad that our Heavenly Father gives us what we need right when we need it! Before bed we all call out, "Nite, Sweet dreams." For you I know this has a special meaning. What a day that will be, Marsha, when we are reunited with our loved ones!

RaD said...

Awww.... That's beautiful.

Robyn said...

Marsha, I'm so glad you had a great dream of Christian. To know you will be with him someday is just perfect, isn't it? It just puts everything else in perspective.

I'm so glad he has fwiends there, too. Can you just imagine the fwiends in heaven? Amazing!

Deedee said...

Oh Marsha! What a precious gift! I'm with Amy, imagine just WHO his 'fwiends' are?! How neat is that? ((((HUGS)))) - Deedee

Life with Kaishon said...

He is SO precious! I came over to see your photo walk pictures Marsha, Marsha, Marsha! Can't wait! YAY!

Karin Katherine said...

Oh sweet Marsha. What a wonderful dream...and how glad I am that you had it and recorded it. In your writing I lived every moment. I hope when you re-read your own words, it will bring the memory back to you as vividly.

Amy Bayliss said...

awe...

*tearing up*

That is so sweet; so precious. What a dream to savor. God is so good to us. He knew you needed to see and feel Christian.

Imagine me hugging you real big right now... I love you, girl! I'm so glad you got to see that little man!

Gwen Toliver said...

Dreams like this are an answer to prayer for those of us who pray the Lord will comfort and strengthen you. I don't believe the Lord gives revelation anymore (i.e. addition to the Bible) like He did in the Old Testament - but I strongly believe He gives dreams like the one you had to give His peace and comfort. Thanks so much for sharing, Marsha. I continue praying for you. :)

Leanne said...

I;m eternally grateful that it won't always have to be a dream!

The fact that you are able to view these dreams as a sweet gift is a sign of your continuing healing on this very difficult, very painful journey.

Keep your eyes on the Goal!!

I love you.

ali @ an ordinary mom said...

I'm so glad you wrote (typed) that out right away. It's crazy how so many dreams fade from our memory so quickly after realizing they were dreams... I'm glad you have such precious memories to hold onto!

Praying for you and your family-
(((hugs))),
ali

NotaSupermom said...

Augh! I just cried so hard.
That's just beautiful and makes me think of someone I love and miss.