what to say and beyond today

When I have the most to say, that is when words seem to escape me.

Bullet post to the rescue-- I just need to get this out of my head!

-My Uncle Blaine passed away on November 1st. Please pray for his wife Barbara and his sons, as well as for my G-ma. I can't imagine saying goodbye to three sons... and for my dad and Auntie Ann, who have said goodbye to three brothers.

Uncle Blaine talked about seeing my Uncle Terry, who had passed away in 2003... It just has me thinking... a lot...

-Christian's birthday is coming up. I can't believe he would be 7 years old. I am not dreading the 12th at all this time, but I am feeling emotional nonetheless. I'm not sure if it's being far away from family when there is loss, as well as when there is life (my nephew Jude is due Nov 13th!)... or if it's just a crazy hormonal thing (can you have PMS when you're pregnant?).

-Having three points here would make this post neat and tidy, but I don't know what else to say. My mind just goes back and forth to Blaine and to Christian and to baby Ian (who is kicking up a storm right now) and then to family and friends that have suffered deep loss.

Wandering thoughts and a restless mind makes me a little crazy. I think this calls for going to bed early and praying myself to sleep.

Isn't that the best way to end the day, handing all your burdens and worries over to the Lord?

If We Could See Beyond Today

If we could see beyond today

As God can see;

If all the clouds should roll away,

The shadows flee;

O'er present griefs we would not fret.

Each sorrow we would soon forget,

For many joys are waiting yet

For you and me.

If we could know beyond today

As God doth know,

Why dearest treasures pass away

And tears must flow;

And why the darkness leads to light,

Why dreary paths will soon grow bright;

Some day life's wrongs will be made right,

Faith tells us so.

'If we could see, if we could know,'

We often say,

But God in love a veil doth throw

Across our way;

We cannot see what lies before,

And so we cling to Him the more,

He leads us till this life is o'er;

Trust and obey.

-Norman J. Clayton

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

-Isaiah 55:8-9

lamentations 3:22-23

I am thankful that God's mercies are new every morning!

I don't have to rely on yesterday's mercy for today's troubles.

What God gives is fresh, timely, and relevant for right now, this moment, TODAY.

Our 2011-2012 Curriculum

This pregnancy has really put me behind schedule in a lot of areas of my life. When the goal of the day is to attempt to be out of bed for more than 2 hours and try to cook at least one meal without puking, one can see how some items related to homeschooling would be put on the backburner.

I am tardy in recording our 2011-2012 Curriculum by a mere 3 months. *cough, cough*

Pish-posh, right?

For the record, we have been educating our boys in the midst of moving halfway around the world, a pukey but precious pregnancy (in which I now feel great!), (me) freaking out (only slightly) about a certain child's venture into puberty, and the usual how can we start the new year when we haven't quite finished up last year?! debate within myself.

Onward, shall we? :)

AUSTIN - 12 years old, Grade 7

Bible:

The Ultimate Devo for Boys

Math:

Math-U-See Epsilon and Zeta

History:

Sonlight Core F Eastern Hemisphere (finish up from last year, then geography- see below)

Mapping the World by Heart (we will attempt this, might be too ambitious?)

Language Arts:

Writing Strands 3

Language Lessons for the Elementary Child 2 by Sandi Queen

5 Minute Daily Practice Grammar

Sequential Spelling for Adults 1 and 2

Science:

Apologia's Exploring Creation with General Science, Second Edition

Rock N Learn Human Body DVD

It's So Amazing

What's the Big Deal?

Foreign Language:

Rosetta Stone Latin Level 1 (Homeschool Edition)

Other:

Spectrum Test Prep 6 by McGraw-Hill Children's Publishing

Dr. Funster's Think A Minutes, Level C Book 1 and Book 2

NOAH - 10 years old, Grade 5

Bible:

Gotta Have God

Math:

Math U See Delta (completed 10/2011) and Epsilon

History:

Sonlight Core F Eastern Hemisphere (finish up from last year, then geography- see below)

Mapping the World by Heart (we will attempt this, might be too ambitious?)

Language Arts:

Writing Strands 3

Language Arts for the Elementary Child by Sandi Queen

5 Minute Daily Practice Grammar

Sequential Spelling for Adults 1 and 2 (if too difficult, will use different level)

Getty Dubay Italic Handwriting Book F

Science:

Christian Kids Explore Biology

Rock N Learn Human Body DVD

Foreign Language:

Rosetta Stone Latin Level 1 (Homeschool Edition)

Other:

Dr. Funster's Think a Minutes, Level B Book 2 and Level C Book 1

I do have a question for y'all.

We have Rosetta Stone Japanese Level 1 that I would like to implement, as tourism from Japan is a major economic force here in Guam. Have any of y'all done two foreign languages at the same time? Thoughts, please?

isaiah 26:3

Do you need peace in your heart? Are you discontent, worried, or weary?

Quit trusting in yourself and put your trust in our mighty God, the Lord of peace, Jehovah-Shalom!

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

-Proverbs 3:5-6

isaiah 52:7

Believe it or not, this is Hong Kong... the view from the Peak when you are facing away from the city!

Sometimes we all need to turn away from our busy lives and seek solitude. It is then that we can hear the still small voice of our mighty LORD.

to a Summer-land

The little birds trust God, for they go singing

From northern woods where autumn winds have blown,

With joyous faith their trackless pathway winging

To summer-lands of song, afar, unknown.

Let us go singing, then, and not go sighing:

Since we are sure our times are in His hand,

Why should we weep, and fear, and call it dying?

'Tis only flitting to a Summer-land.

-Anon.

Death is not dying.

Jesus said unto her,

I am the resurrection,

and the life:

he that believeth in me,

though he were dead,

yet shall he live:

And whosoever liveth and believeth in me

shall never die.

Believest thou this?

John 11:25-26

boy or girl?

We are on our last hurrah trip before baby is born in February. I know that many women will fly late into their pregnancy, but when over 20 hours of flying is involved, it doesn't seem like such a grand idea to venture too far from home.

One of the highlights of our trip to Portland was being able to see our growing baby in action today. I am so happy that my sister Coco and her kidlets were able to go with us for our ultrasound appointment. (Thanks for taking a few snapshots, Coco!)

Looking at grainy black and white photos of baby never gets old.

I am amazed at technology... being able to peek into the world where God knits and breathes life...

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:
marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
-Psalm 139:14

We were thankful to see a growing, active 18 week baby in there! Thank you, friends, for praying that fear would flee and peace would rule in our hearts this morning.

The next big question o' the day: Is baby a BOY OR GIRL?

Boys run in David's family... his dad is the oldest of 4 boys. However, Austin has been praying specifically for a baby sister for over 2 years now.

I held my breath as the ultrasound tech typed out: I'M A...

TEARS ...

OF...

JOY...

Growing up with three sisters and only one brother, I never could have imagined that I would get to be mom to 4 boys!!!

I am so grateful that God would grant me the privilege of raising another young man.

plugging along

We are just plugging along with life around here...

+ 15 weeks prego, still pukey, and dying to have an ultrasound so we know if baby is a boy or girl. Boo hoo. I don't know how people can wait until baby is born to know-- I am too impatient for that! I think it would be just as much a surprise at the ultrasound as it would be at birth. Besides, knowing in advance helps with name planning... We are stumped as to what name we would use if we have another son. Are you an advanced finder outer? Or do you wait until birth to find out?

+ Shopping on this island can be quite frustrating. Three trips to the store and I still don't have buttermilk. But one thing that I am pleased to find here is a Motherhood Maternity Outlet! Woohoo for an extra 40% off sale prices! And they don't carry just Motherhood, but Pea in a Pod, Mimi and some others. My prego clothes are SO much cuter this time around! What do you think about today's maternity clothes? Cute, ugly or do you just buy bigger normal clothes when you're prego?

+ We started school this past week, even though I did not have the year planned out on paper. I know that if I wait until my to-do list is complete to begin with our lessons, school just wouldn't start around here until never. We still have a couple more subjects to incorporate, but so far, so good! Do you ease back into your school year or tackle it all from day 1?

I have more energy now than I have for the past couple of months, even though the nausea still gets me. Hopefully I can plug along with blogging once again. I miss recording our random life and connecting with friends. Facebook is easy and fun, but just not the same.

PS That picture up there is the first time I have unzipped my camera case in months! Further proof that this baby is kicking my butt.

3 years

It is nearing the end of August 26th here. We were blessed with 3.75 years with my sweet Christian and have now been 3 years without him.

It has been a very rough month emotionally. My dang diggity twitching left arm and leg have been driving me crazy. Christian has been on all of our minds more than usual, even for Austin and Noah who don't really associate August with sorrow.

The other night, Noah was sobbing in his room, new barrage of tears triggered by the memory of the moment when we told him that Christian was gone. I didn't know what to say... So I cried with him, holding him in my arms. It is hard being a big brother and not having your little brother around to play with or bother you.

He asked for a picture of Christian to keep in his room... I found an old Christmas postcard with our family picture for him to tape to his nightstand and he "borrowed" a picture from David's nightstand to place on top.

So much of this year is different from last year and that first year.

We are living halfway across the world.

We are anticipating the birth of a new Drews baby.

We have changed... I have changed.

Grief changes you forever. And when you trust God in your grief, He will walk with you and you will be changed for the better.

Will there still be tears? Absolutely! The hunger of loss cannot be satisfied this side of Heaven. It is a missing that goes unfulfilled. But there can still be JOY and you can walk with HOPE!

For those of you that are new in your grief journey, you will not always feel the way you feel right this very second. With God's help, it will get less hard! The laughter will return to your house and you will smile again. You won't ever forget your child, your friend, your husband... but in Jesus Christ, you will be comforted.

Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.

-John 14:17-19

How do I feel today?

I. HAVE. PEACE.

I can't explain it, but I have an overwhelming peace in my heart. A few tears today, but no anguish. No despair. No hopelessness.

And I know it is because so many of you have been praying for me and my family!

THANK YOU. Thank you for your encouraging comments, emails, FB messages, and cards. Thank you for walking this road with me for the past three years. Thank you for remembering Christian.

I miss his mischief.

I miss his muscles.

I miss his mess.

Yes, it has been 3 years since the day that my sweet Christian died.

But it has also been 3 years to the day that he truly began to LIVE!

Three years of him being in the presence of our Creator, being with the One who knew him even before I did... Three years of him seeing the face of Jesus Christ, who died for me, for Christian, for you. Now I am three years closer to being with my littlest man again.

I miss you, Christian. I have been watching this video of you laughing today.

Listening to your chuckle makes my face break out into a big smile! The boys have their own room now... we have been wondering if you would've liked your own room or if you would've insisted on bunking with Austie or Boah. I guess you already know that you are a big brother. :-) I wonder if Jesus has told you whether you have a little brother or little sister? Even if this baby is a boy, you will still always be our littlest man.

I love you.

Mommy

10wks 4days and I am unfun.

How can something the size of a lime kick my butt so much?!

I have been the most un-fun aunt, mommy, wife, daughter and friend. Besides flying to New York, Texas, and back to Guam again, all I have done is eat, sleep, sleep, be nauseous, and lay around.

I barely have enough energy to scroll through FB on my phone.

But I did attempt a picture.

10 weeks, 4 days

Be honest, doesn't my belly look big?

I know I had a bigger belly to begin with than with any of my other pregnancies, but yowzers! So much for the "Your lower abdomen is probably just starting to protrude a bit now" that my WhatToExpect pregnancy app is telling me.

RANDOM PREGO THOUGHTS:

- I wonder how early this baby will arrive? I am due 2-22-12. Austin was 2 wks early, Noah 5 wks early, and Christian was 3 wks early.

- What I wish I could eat right now? A cold salad with thinly sliced ribeye steak (cooked medium, chilled) with balsamic vinaigrette dressing. Mayo is gross. Mustard and jalapenos are yum.

- I wonder how different labor will be at 36 years old compared to 29 years old when Christian was born. Anyone want to chime in with their own experience?

- Two delivery options here in Guam. The one hospital where you don't ever want to go when you're sick but people say it's okay to have a baby there... and a birthing center that offers pain management (I guess it's wishful thinking to think that means epidural?). My ob/gyn delivers at both... I am leaning towards birthing center since it would be more comfortable for my boys, but man, I did love my epidural with Christian! Never had it with Austin and wanted it but didn't get it with Noah.

Even though I am on my laptop in bed, it's time for me to rest again. Bleh. We are still living in the hotel... 2 months and counting... but our household goods should arrive on island tonight. A week to clear customs and then we are outta here! I can't wait to be settled, have a kitchen, our own space, that beautiful view...

Hey all you older moms or those that have a big gap of years between your kids (like you Heather!), any advice to share?