Friday, August 7, 2009

Trusting in fear

I popped in to visit EspeciallyHeather's blog tonight and read this post.

I read it, moved on to another one, and then decided to go back to it and read the comments. I don't know why I actually read the comments this time (versus skimming or skipping them altogether)-- it's not something that I usually do.

Heather wrote about the name Jehovah-Jireh, meaning "God will provide." It got my wheels turning about how God really does provide.

Peggy in the comments section got me thinking even more.

When my Christian passed away almost a year ago, I had a great fear of something happening to Austin and Noah. They must have slept on the floor of our bedroom for over a month! We just wanted to see them, hear them, feel them, be with them.




I kept thinking to myself, "What would I do if they were taken from me? How could I bear it?"

It was a strange battle in my heart and mind-- God telling me I need to trust Him with them and me telling God that I don't want to-- not yet and maybe not ever! (I can be such a brat sometimes.)

But God is much nicer than I am.

He didn't punish me with the silent treatment. He has more than proved himself to me this past year in His capacity to comfort, to guide, to bless, to hold up, to give much grace when much grace was needed.

And you know what? I finally laid that fear of losing my boys-- and even losing David-- at God's feet.

See? I trusted God.

So what's the problem?

It's not my fear of something happening TO them, but my fear FOR them if something were to happen to ME!

Would they be okay without me? I don't want them to suffer, to grow up without a mommy (or wife), to hurt so badly, to go through that dark valley yet again!!! How could they possibly bear it?!

As I read Heather's post and Peggy's comment, God spoke to me.

He will provide.

He will provide. If God can speak Heaven and Earth into existence, He can certainly handle the lives of my husband and boys!

He will provide. God doesn't lie and He keeps his promises 100% of the time! If God said it, He's going to do it.

He will provide. We cannot even comprehend the thoughts and ideas of God. I would never want to limit God with my lowly ways when His ways are so much higher! I don't have to understand the how's and why's of His provision in order for Him to be fully capable.

It's also rather absurd to think that God would only provide for me and not for my husband and children too, don't you think?

I have to trust God. I have to trust that God will take care of them. I have to let go of that fear, that worry, that anxiety. He will provide a way of escape. He will be their comfort. He will bind up their wounds. I have to trust Him.

I DO TRUST HIM. Right now.


(Hey Heather, thank you.)

12 comments:

Christine said...

My fears usually revolve around something happening to me and my kids growing up without me. When these fears creep up on me I have to remind myself that God WILL take care of them.
I love yoU!

Ruthanne said...

Oh, Marsha - God IS good, isn't He? He will provide. He will provide for you, for your children and for David.

Ms. Latina said...

Hi Marsha

Thank you for this post. It was exactly the reminder that I needed today. Funny because today's the first day I visit your blog ... several years ago as I was going through a very very difficult time. God spoke to me, in my head, in my heart, as I sobbed endlessly on my jobs bathroom floor. I heard HIM clear as day. He said, "I will provide". My tears stopped and I walked out of that bathroom a changed woman. Marsha, He did! I was a sinner, still hadn't received Him but He didn't care! He provided more than I expected, more than I deserved, more than I had ever imagined and I thank HIM everyday for it. You reminded me of how far He has brought me and my boys. He doesn't start something without finishing it Sweety. NEVER EVER so rest assured in His arms. I don't know what you are going through but I do know your Abba loves you and will never forsake you and your family. If He did it for me when I hadn't received Him, imagine what He will do for YOU and YOURS! As your Father, as His beloved, He never desert you and will always uphold you. GBU

Debbie said...

All I can say is "Amen, sister" :) And I love you so much--you are such a blessing, Marshy.

rural momma said...

I honestly don't know why trust is such a huge issue for us, but it is. I know that I want to totally trust God, but then I hold onto things a little tighter. God is Holy and Just, and His ways are far above our ways. Thanks for the reminder today, I really needed that. :o)

Leanne said...

Marshy~

I thought I trusted God. I really did, until Janie. Until then, I was living in a fantasy world. Do you think trust is something that we just wake up with one day, or do you think that trust is something that continually needs refining? Is trust something that we wax and wane with? In my life, I must continually work on my trust in God. In my life, I pray that my trust will grow deeper and deeper, no matter the circumstances I face. I'm learning!

Thanks for the great thoughts.

Emily said...

I have those panicky moments of..."what if" too. I think it comes with the parental license.

Good thoughts. Thanks for being so open with your blog readers. It really helps.

Becca~TimeWellSpent said...

I've had some of those same fears and worries, afraid of what would or could happen. I can't imagine the fears coupled with what you and your family have gone through.
We do know He has promised to provide for us and He has many promises about that very thing and to not worry. Do a search in your Bible for the many times the word worry is mentioned. It's very reassuring!
Beautiful post!

learningatourhouse said...

Trusting the Lord has got to be the biggest challenge for us as far as being a christian goes. There are many stories in the Bible about the people lacking trust and God always comes through!

What I have learned in my short time here on Earth is that prayer is key! There have been many times when I have bowed in prayer and felt like I was speaking to thin air, but I did it anyway... And, you know what? God has ALWAYS come through for me!

Your post was the icing on the cake that I needed to remind me of this simple fact. I struggled horribly this past year about wehter or not to go through with homeschoooing. I finally started praying about it, then suddenly, I have NO anxiety anymore. I now have a CLEAR sence of calm and contentment, not to mention JOY about our decision. God is GOOD!

Amy

Nikowa@KHA said...

(((Hugs)) This is such a thought provoking, beautifully written post.

Love you!

Sisterlisa said...

I have had those same thoughts before Marsha. What growth you just went through!

Jo@Mylestones said...

Wow. Thanks for this post. I've found that when it comes to this particular kind of trust--laying those fears at His feet-that I have to do it OVER and OVER. I often grab the worry and fear back, sometimes unknowingly, and have to be reminded again (and again) to let go.
So I appreciated this post as a reminder to put those fears back where they belong--at His feet.