Saturday, April 3, 2010

Home Sweet Home

It was a beautiful, sunshine filled day at the park last week. The boys and I enjoyed ourselves swinging, sliding and riding scooters through the trails.

All of a sudden, I heard someone shouting...

"Christian! Chriiiiiiistian! It's time to go!!! Hurry up! Let's go, Christian!"

It made my heart skip a beat.



When my Christian first went missing, I ran all around our yard yelling his name. At first, I ran with hope... I just knew he was around here somewhere.

As the seconds ticked on, I ran through the entire house begging for him to come out and please don't be hiding from mommy.

As the minutes passed by, I ran across the street and down the street frantically calling his name.

Chriiiiiiistian! Chriiiiiistian! Where are you?!

He never answered me.

While *I* did not know where he was at that very moment, GOD KNEW. Christian was already gone. He had already passed from this short life into his new life... to his new home, his forever home.



I am happy for Christian. Truly I am. But for myself? *sigh*

I wish that I was that woman at the park telling Christian to hurry up. I wish that I could see him running towards me. I wish that I could be the one telling Christian it is time to go home.

But HOME is different now. Not just our home-- one that is a little too quiet and a little too clean (well, some days anyway)... but his home is different too-- better, perfect, amazing, full!


Each passing day brings me further away from Christian and his contagious laugh, his excitement, his soft blonde hair and twinkly blue eyes.

Each passing day brings me closer to the day that I will see Christian again-- to hug him, kiss him, tickle him, and hold his sweet big boy hand in mine. ALL BECAUSE OF JESUS.

Christian has a change of address and one day, God will call ME to my new home. Christian will be waiting. Oh how I can't wait for that day!!!

THANK YOU, JESUS.

We don't know when we'll be called home. We must always be ready. Are you ready? Do you know where your final home will be? Have you accepted the gift of our risen Savior?


22 comments:

Traci said...

Oh Marsha. I can't even imagine what that was like for you. My heart sank just reading that. I'm prayerfully weeping for you and your family, asking Jesus to hold you close and keep your hope strong.
I know, that I know, that I know Jesus and my hope is in being 'home' with Him someday too.

((((BIG HUGE HUG))))

~traci

Duct Tape Chronicles said...

'Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.'

Happy Easter, Marsha!

Praising with you for the HOPE we have in Jesus.

Kathi

Emily said...

That must have been so tough Marsha. It's amazing how it's just never ending...this sense of loss mixed with joy and peace.
But through it all you're really giving WORDS to how other people who have suffered loss are feeling. You're an excellent writer.

Beckypdj said...

Hugs to you Marsha.

I'm so glad we know where our boys are, even though we can't even imagine how wonderful it is.

Jesus is coming soon for the rest of us :)

Lori @ Just Pure Lovely said...

Moments ago, I learned that a very dear friend lost her father in an automobile accident this afternoon. Your post is good timing for me. I hope to one day give my friend the hope that you have, if she doesn't have it already.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on Christian, Marsha. I'm sure it pains you to do so, but you help so many. You are one of the most courageous women I have ever known. Your heart seems open to all that God wants to teach you (and to us through you). I'm blessed to be your friend!

Christine said...

I love you Marshy! I rejoice in the fact that we will be sharing the same eternal home. What a happy day that will be when we get to have our BIG family reunion. My heart aches for you because I know you miss Christian and I know how much you want to just hold him. I my heart sings for you knowing when the Lord calls us home, you won't ever have to worry about missing Christian again.

Leanne said...

Marshy, I remember like it was yesterday when I begged you to tell me it wasn't true....

Ah, this journey of grief! So paradoxical with God....

I'm so thankful for the heart that God has given you. I know it isn't easy, but He is so faithful!

I wonder what Christian thinks of our Janie...she's probably as kooky as my other kids, and I bet they're having such a good time!

I love you. I love your heart to make sure as many accept Jesus as will!

Annemarie said...

My kids and I have been listening to Pilgrim's Progress and yesterday, we reached the chapter where his friend Faithful dies. Right before his death, Bunyan tells about the blessedness of going before, verses those of us that continue. It made my heart ache.

"And Lord haste the day, when my faith shall be sight! The clouds be rolled back as a scroll. The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul"

Praying for you~

~Annemarie

Anonymous said...

Marsha, I am new to your blog, but am completely awed by your spirit and grace. I don't think words are appropriate enough to explain how I felt when I read through some of your posts about Dozer.

I know God is good - for I have experienced grief as well.

I have had similiar dreams as you. Only my child didn't die - she almost did - she lived - but was diagnosed with Down syndrome two weeks after birth.

God is so faithful and wonderful. He allows us to grow in character and patience.

May the Lord's face shine upon you today.

Thank you.

Jasmine

Jacque @Walking Therein said...

Dear friend~
Been thinking of you and your pain of loss this week. Praise Yah for his comfort and his hope he has placed in you.
I will pray for you and each tear that falls. May you be comforted as you walk waiting to meet him in the air.
HE knows. Oh, how he knows how it is. But, just as today, on this day of the celebration of Yeshua rising as the Firstfruits of the dead, He also knows the joy. He is here, he was there, and he will be here then....
I am blessed by your faith and your holding on to HIM Marsha. May all who read here meet the Messiah through your words.
Be blessed today. Be blessed.
Love to you~

Ruthanne said...

I love you, Marsha!

Gwen Toliver said...

Oh, Marsha, what a precious truth to realize on Easter. I continue to pray for you - may God give you an enormous amount of strength and grace.

Bethany, aka 40winkzzz said...

are you tired of hearing that your outlook is "amazing"? i know it is just extra-heavy doses of God's love and grace and comfort shining through you. still, you have to choose to receive it.

i have not "lost" any kids the way you have; i only have kids who are "lost"- still very much alive and kicking, but kicking in the wrong direction. :-/ my "terrible twenties" kids, you know. and it is really really hard for me to have any sort of a positive outlook about that, even though i know that things will eventually change for the better. then i come here and read you and think, wow. if marsha can have such a joyful attitude despite a circumstance that will never change (in this life), why can't i have one?

(hmmm. maybe because i spend more time playing facebook scrabble than i do in prayer? ya think?)

anyway... i CAN. i just have to choose to.

(and i'm still going to beat you.)

Angie said...

I have typed and re-typed, trying to think of the "right" words to say. But....I can't seem to get what I am feeling from my heart..to my brain....to the keyboard. :)
I will say this though.....
I truly LOVE to read your posts about Christian. They are full of so much love and adoration.

I still pray for you and your family all the time.

Angie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Marsha...I love you friend...no words are sufficient... I pray for you all often...and just wish I could take the pain away. However, knowing that someday you will see precious Christian again is the best thing I can imagine.... I can only imagine...I can only imagine...and I will continue to imagine...and every time I hear that song...it will be remembering your precious little one....and all the others that we will see in Heaven someday...Hugs - dmccann

"Miss" Anita said...

Hallelujah, I have accepted the gift of our risen Savior!

Soooo homesick!

Marmee's Pantry said...

God bless you, my dear friend. 'It' must be in the air - I thought of Jessica so much yesterday. My heart goes out to you & your family.

I know about that wishing & wondering...some good friends of ours have a son who was morn the same day our Jessica, 24 years ago. I see the things he's doing, how his life has progressed & wonder where she would be now...would she be married yet? Would she have then made us gr-parents? What wonderful memories would I have had. After all, we only had 3 months-worth of memories here.

BUT...PTL!...as you said, everyday is 1 day closer to not only our Lord, but our reunion. All because of JESUS!

BTW...I'm not going to be at the Cinci Convention this year. :-/ Wish I could be there to give you a great big hug!

Blessings from Ohio...Kim<><

GlowinGirl said...

Hugs to you, sweet one. My heart hurts for you.

Michelle said...

Marsha,
I can't put into words the emotion I felt after reading this post yesterday. You have been on my mind a lot today, and i wanted to tell you that i think you are a remarkable woman. Your heart for other is so very evident, not only in this post but others {as i go thru your archives i see the love you have for others}

hugs,
michelle

Amy in Peru said...

SO thankful one day you will see your Christian again. So thankful that Jesus is keeping us until that day.

It was SO good to read up with you at long last my friend.

Your pictures are beautiful!

amy in peru

Tammy S. said...

Just prayed for you Marsha. When i think of you, and I do, I pray for you. I'm sorry. Thank you for sharing. Reading through the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn. Amazing what Christian is experiencing today with our Savior.